Off My Chest No.1

I'll be brief....What I really loved about my last girlfriend, Leah, was that not only could she make me laugh, but she had a way of making me feel like everything was going to be ok. I always felt like that way of think was delusional, especially when my mother would say it, but not her. With her it was some kind of believable, palpable even. Regardless of my shit job at the time, and making just enough to be broke, I felt like I would be fine. That’s probably why I miss her so much. Because I don’t feel like it’s going to be fine…I feel like it’s worse than ever. Way worse. I’m scared. That’s all I was ever taught to be. I was never “prepared” for life. Just told what would happen if I didn’t do this, or say that or act this way or dress that way. Go to school, graduate, get a job…it was supposed to be that simple. If you were an EDUCATED black man the sky was the limit. The Bush administration killed that noise. I’ve spent my entire adulthood playing it safe and I have nothing to show but a mountain of debt and developing heart condition. Starting to think it’s better I jump off the cliff, at least I know the ground is coming sooner or later.