Things I would tell myself if time travel were possible

We all have those moments where we think about our lives in hindsight.  We ask ourselves, "Where did I go wrong?"  A decision we made, an opportunity we missed, a person we allowed to come into or leave our lives.   "If you could go back in time and tell change anything/tell your younger self anything, what would it be?" is question we find ourselves asking often in these moments. Well I finally had a chance to sit down and think on it, to ask myself where the key turning points were.  I managed to narrow it down to a few.  There are probably more, but I feel like these particular points are the most relevant, the most impactful.

That being said...

Things I would tell myself if time travel were possible:

-In your junior year of high school, Christina Rosado will actually have the hots for you. She will throw out all the signals and you’ll be totally clueless. Keep your eyes open and enjoy that shit for as long as it lasts.

-You’ll do everything in your power to keep your parents from habitually criticizing you, including going to a school you’ll wind up hating; it will be a hopeless endeavor. The only person worth pleasing is the one you see in the mirror.

-Take your time picking a school. Many of your relatives have never been to university and don’t what they’re talking about. As time goes on you will develop a healthy dislike for their intellectual ineptitude and eventually come to hate them for it.

-Ignore women when they start crying. It’s just a form of manipulation.

-Avoid living in the south at all costs. The stupidity alone can kill you.

-Losing your mom and dad will be a slow and ugly process and there isn’t a damn thing that’s going to prepare you for it.

-Terrorism, republicans, bible thumpers, and social justice warriors, along with the countless other shortcomings of your species, just might bring you to tears.

-Bruce Lee was, is and always will be the man. His words will give you immeasurable strength.

No title here, just thoughts

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a very damaged person...strike that, I've always known I was damaged I just didn't know how bad until a few years ago.  I can't afford a therapist so I just try to find little bits of happiness where I can, keep my mind occupied and where the mask.  It's an ugly existence at the moment.  Such a beautiful day today and I wake feeling like I'm dying inside.  I'm just happy I have at least one or two people to whom I can emote (apparently men aren't allowed to express or even feel their feelings but that's a thought fr another time).

It's been few months since I've given you any words on this blog.  Almost decided not to write it.  I don't neglect it on purpose, it's just that I only write, I mean really write, when I'm at a low point.  Heartsick mostly.  Case in point:

Feel good (Remix)

A little bit of feel good goes a long way.
The first memory I have of you is soft and awkward,
Hours in that empty room naked and sweating, you made me open a floodgate
And drown myself in emotions that I couldn’t, wouldn’t or haven’t felt in years.
It wasn’t your eyes, your laughter or lips, or the way they felt on me,
I can’t say if it was love or all lust, but whatever the hell is was, it felt good.


It was so regular now, so perfect.
You kissed me after class when I pop by after work,
I even walked you to the store when your ankle got hurt.
We talked books, TV shows and our favorite flicks
Surprise, surprise, we both love Rent

For dinner it was hamburger helper and in the morning, BLT Biscuits
For the first time I felt how a man should feel,
Needed…Wanted…Appreciated.


It was damn near a year since the split,
A hook up here and there whenever time permits.
That weird part of moving on I guess—
And at a point where I thought you were the only friend I had,
At what I thought was the lowest point in my life,--
You let me stay there. No words, nothing….

Cold as you were, the thought of you still warmed me.
Our time together can be measure in a heartbeat,
A heartbeat I put in a little box with a few other precious things
Tucked in a corner under a garbage heap of memories….
Every bite of food, every movie watched, every scrap of happiness I had with you
stuck between that heartbeat, in that box.
Every now and then I blow the dust off it, and it gets in my eyes.