Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I just want to live: A late night rant

I don't believe in in first impressions.  Not in the since of making the first encounter lasting or memorable or positive, but in the since of just walking into the room like someone squeeze lemon juice down my butt crack.  I've never been the type schmooze.  I hang out with my wang out and to hell with anyone that doesn't care for it.  There's seven billion people in the world.  I'm not the only one they can talk to.

I've had one or two friends that look at me a tad peculiar due to my taste in music, women, and use of language, both poetic and profane.  For the most part they've learned to deal with it.  But I doubt they truly understand it, or that they want to.  Well this is their lucky day (and yours)...

10 years I've lived in this pit called the bible belt, and the one constant I've had to deal with (besides incurably religious friends and family) is death.  In the past decade I've been to an average of one funeral a year.  Among the first were my grandmother and the youngest of my older sisters, the one I grew up with.  Over the next few years it was uncles and cousins and finished out with my mom and my dad.  When you have to stomach THAT MUCH loss, when you're knocked back that many times, you can either wolf down your meds, ball up in a corner and die (a thought that still crosses my mind at least once a day) OR you can get up and live.  Pull yourself out of bet, and find another reason to ride this bitch until the wheels fall off.  And that's pretty much what I've doing the past several months.  No time stamp, no apologies, no fucks given.  Fuck what friends have to say about it, fuck what family has to say about it, fuck the bros, fuck the girlfriend.  And that cunt of a waitress on the other side of the room who can't keep her nose out of the conversation, along with the simp nigga next to you that co-signs on her bullshit and laughs in your face on YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY, fuck them too.

It's really that simple.  Not the most cogent thing I've had to say, but it's honest.  I feel like that's all I can give lately.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Gotta walk it like I talk it...

From my personal journal...

January 27, 2015

It's amazing, you find clarity of mind in the strangest places.  Halfway through my work shift I realize I've been talking the talk, now I have to walk my walk.  I hate capitalism.  I mean HATE it.  Like getting teeth pulled, like squash, like child abuse, like religion.  I fucking hate it.  Even with the Obama administration doing what it could to pull us from the brink over the past 6-7 years, it remains so rabid and unrestrained.  We're not encouraged to go out and make friends, we're told to network.  We view human beings as commodities, or utilities to be manipulated and disposed of once they have no more viability to us.  And this is the irony of being me; misanthrope that I am, having little to no hope left in my own species, I still don't like viewing people in that light.

Apologies if you were looking for something long-winded and profound.  Just a little flash rant.