2016 has been a bit of a shit show in my opinion,
not just for me but for humanity in general.
I mean hell, Donald Trump could be president and we lost Prince. Regardless of all the crazy, there is (and I
say this sparingly) a bright side. One
of my (facebook) friends died and you know what? It hurts.
It hurts pretty damn bad (before you jump to the most fucked up
conclusion, please keep reading).
I didn’t know how much I cared about her as a person
until I found out she was gone. We weren’t bosom buddies and I can count all
the messenger exchanges we’ve had on one hand, but I cried pretty bad when I
thought about her girlfriend having to raise their two kids alone or not
reading another of her posts and laughing, or being able to comment. I’ll never see her drawings or paintings
again, and it stinks. For about 6 years
now I felt like I was going numb. My dad died, I got over it pretty damn quick,
my mom, probably quicker. The person I thought cared the most ducked out on me,
no surprise. Even the unexpected
kindness that’s been shown to me recently was taken with a grain of salt, outside
of a few genuine moments it just feels like I’ve been going through the
motions…but when I heard my friend had taken her own life froze up a bit, I
teared up later on. I actually felt
something I couldn’t verbalize, something deep and ugly honest. I hate that she’s gone. The only good coming
out this is that I know I can still feel something. It’s weird to talk about. One of those rare instances where I can’t
find the right words.
FOR KIM AND LINDSAY
All tears run the same.
Ten feet away or oceans
Apart, I cry too
--Ryan
